It’s 9.08 p.m. on Saturday evening. I sit at my computer, my fingers poised over the keyboard. I begin to type. Writing energises me. So I should be invigorated and recharged as my fingers race over the computer keys. However I’m at the end of an extra busy fortnight and at the end of a very long day. I am too tired to think clearly. Too tired to string together clever sentences that will create a blog worth sharing.

I’ve spent the day with 300 other Baptists at our annual 4D conference. Developing, Discerning, Discovering and Deepening our passion for God and His kingdom. It was an inspiring beautiful day both without and within. As we drove to the conference centre, nature proclaimed our Creator God loudly. Sunlight danced, blue skies beamed, soft breezes blew. Connecting with many Christians in worship and prayer – listening, learning, connecting and growing together. A great experience. But now... I am exhausted.

I should have written my blog last Sunday. Only I was away in Brisbane at the time. I should have posted my blog this afternoon. Only I wasn’t at home to do it. I did have a crack at writing one two days ago. I had a great idea for it. But as I look at my first draft now, I find it needs a lot more work. And I am too tired to dabble in the arduous task of refining it. I ponder long and hard. I’m tired. Too tired to write a worthwhile blog.

Yes, I am All Blogged Out.

I don’t have any words of wisdom to sprout out today. (Do I ever?)

I don’t have any special spiritual truths to share. (Perhaps I shall tomorrow?)

I don’t have a beautiful blog to share with the world tomorrow. (May I be excused?)

Yes, I am all blogged out. But then... God nudges me. And guess what! He reminds me that I do have something special to share. 10 days ago, I was packing my bags to leave for Brisbane. I’d been waiting impatiently for this significant event for months on end. Very excited. But during the lead up to my trip, I’d been through three difficult weeks with a tough situation I was grappling with. It had sapped my energy. It left me feeling weak and powerless. Vulnerable. Spent. My spiritual tank was empty - its gauge reading ‘Zero’; with no chance of a refill.

How could God use someone who felt so powerless and so empty?

A wise friend spoke words that encouraged me. He said God uses us most when we are in a difficult place – when we are empty – when our weakness is all we have to offer Him. I eagerly held onto those words as I left for my conference. I grabbed onto hope.

I was thrilled to discover that my wise friend was right. Did God use me at the conference? I believe He did. Not because I was in a good place. But because He was there with me. Not because I had anything to offer. But because in God’s kingdom it is often our weakness that is our strength.

I was all emptied out. But He took over. My weakness was the perfect place for God to work in. What I do for him never depends on me. It depends completely on Him. The Bible tells us that we have this treasure in earthen vessels so that we know that our power comes from God. I am all blogged out today. But it doesn’t matter. It is God who called me to serve His world through my writing. And God who will use it in a way He will choose.

Do you feel weak today? Do you wonder if God can use you? Let me whisper a word of encouragement. You don’t have to have it all together when you step out to serve Him. It is not your ability that God works through. It is His Holy Spirit who makes the difference. If He has called you, it is enough. If He is leading you, it is more than enough.

And here’s something more. Not only did He use this empty vessel – He also filled it to capacity in the process. I returned from Brisbane with my cup running over. Knowing I could return to the difficult situation I’d left behind. Not because I can cope with it. But because He will guide me through. Just as He always does.

Yes, today I am all blogged out. But it doesn’t matter. What matters most is that Jesus is.

And He is always enough.

“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

Sunday, Oct 13^th 2013 – 5.12 p.m.

A kaleidoscope of events, happenings, thrills and spills. Four glorious days spent in the beautiful city of Brisbane, connecting with amazing people, immersed in writing, learning, loving, praying, talking, pondering, listening. And now.....here I sit at a net kiosk at the airport as I await my flight back home. The sound of noisy conversation, bags being wheeled, announcements being made, penetrate my thoughts. I glance at the clock ticking on my computer screen. 11 minutes and 47 seconds left of 20 minutes of borrowed time. An array of ideas grabbed my mind during the past 4 days. Which of them should I choose? Which of them does God want me to choose?

Monday, 14 October 2013 – 1.21 p.m.

Today I ask ‘Lord, my head is full of a number of possible blogs. What should I write about today?”

The Lord’s response. ‘Tell them the story of the dead cockroach’.

And so, here it is. I shall call it........ The Reminder

The Riverglenn conference centre was an ideal choice of venue – beautifully laid out - hardworking friendly staff, air conditioned rooms, delicious food. A spacious, comfortable room and ensuite. What luxury! Around 70 of us were in conference for 2 action packed days. It was an exciting time. On my 3^rd evening in Brisbane, my gorgeous friend Aruni and her husband took me to their beautiful home. I was thoroughly spoilt by all Aruni’s labours of love on my behalf. I enjoyed her delicious meals – ate too much, tis true – and was deeply refreshed by God’s love through her love and care. It was the perfect ending to a perfect 4 days away.

Thank you Aruni.

Those 4 days will not be forgotten; imprinted in my mind like a bright colourful stained glass window that grabbed me the moment I set my eyes on it. But somewhere inside all of that splendour and joy, learning and stretching, connectedness, prayer and praise was also a dead cockroach.

My room at Riverglenn was all it was meant to be. A safe haven for me to rest at night. A unique space to practice my talks in; a place to enjoy moments of quiet amidst days of frenzied activity. On my first evening as I unpacked I was startled to see a large dead cockroach in my room. I hate cockroaches. This little guy was no exception. I was about to throw him out, when I stopped short. Because, you see… he was a good reminder. Each time my eyes alighted on him I imbibed fresh hope through the sight of an unsightly cockroach. Hope? Yes. You got that right. Hope!

That dead cockroach taught me that even during the seemingly perfect seasons in life (like this conference)– there will also be situations, people, circumstances that are far from endearing (like that cockroach)! What the dead cockroach taught me was that God was in control. That there was hope. What would be worse that finding a dead cockroach in my room? Finding a live one! God showed me that He might permit a cockroach or two to occasionally cross my path - yes, He will allow situations which are hard for me to handle. But the glorious truth is that I need not fear them. A dead cockroach will not harm me. What God permits will never harm me either. I am protected, wrapped in His tender care. I am safe; a baby bird secure in its loving mother's nest.

A theme that ran through the Caleb conference was HOPE. All of us Christian writers, no matter what genre we write - strive to offer hope through our writing. We believe that through Jesus there is always hope, even amidst the darkest times. Do you have ugly 'cockroaches' running around in your life? Illness? Difficult people? Distressing circumstances? Jesus came to bring us hope. To dispel the darkness. Nothing – no nothing can harm you when you live within the boundaries of His love.

And so we can rejoice through our difficulties and praise God through our toughest seasons.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade - kept in heaven for you.  

In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." 1 Peter 1:3,4,6,7

Are you weary as you battle a difficult season? Do not lose hope. Jesus has already won the war. Peter reminds us that as followers of Jesus, we have a sure and certain hope. We can look forward to the future with confidence because Satan and evil will one day be completely destroyed. 

On this mountain, the Lord almighty will prepare a feast of rich food for all peoples, a banquet of aged wines. On this mountain He will destroy the shroud that enfolds all peoples, the sheet that covers all nations; he will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth.” Isaiah 25:6-8

The other day I was walking around the shopping centre feeling pretty worn out. It had been a busy day and my body protested. My mind wandered around little concerns, the way a tired toddler makes his presence felt with squawks and squeals. In that weary state a few inconsequential ‘why’s surfaced in my mind.

1. Why do many otherwise conscientious people not respond to important emails?

2. Why do people place the toilet cover over the seat in the shopping centre toilets? (I don’t like lifting them, just in case…..)

3. Why are the hooks on doors placed far too high for shorties like me to reach?

I thought of other questions that people have asked over the ages.

1. Why did God create me?

2. Why does God allow so much suffering?

3. Why is life so difficult?

Most questions about God I’ve heard are negative ones – as if God wasn’t living up to His side of the bargain. I believe God has big shoulders and is able to cope well with our questions – even our negative ones. But wouldn’t it be lovely to shower God with a few positive questions?

1. Oh Father, why are you being so good to me?

2. God, why did you lavish so much love on someone so undeserving such as I?

3. Lord, why did you bless me today?

I think asking questions is a good habit, don’t you? Finding answers to some of our questions is even better. The why questions are desirable questions, but God hasn’t promised us answers for all of them this side of eternity. So in between times of figuring out the whys I try to focus on other types of questions – like ‘What now?’

Here are some questions that I’d like to answer in my blog today.

1. What now? As a follower of Jesus, what does God require of me?

I believe that my Father God desires that I think and act like Him. With compassion and mercy, with love and understanding towards the world and all who live in it. I believe He desires that I walk close to Him in humility – listening to Him, following the lead of the Holy Spirit, pleasing Him in all I do and am.

“And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8

2. How do I know His plans for me?

I believe that the Bible is the Word of God. In it I find history, instruction, comfort, hope, promises, words of life, truth. In its pages we meet God the Father, Jesus His Son and the Holy Spirit. Saturating myself with the Word is the best thing I can do to learn what God’s heart is like. Spending time with Jesus is one way of not just getting to know Him but also of receiving my marching orders for the day.

“Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.” Psalm 119:105

3. When difficulties arise does it mean that God has abandoned me?

My own experience has been the reverse. In my times of grief and difficulty – God has been there. My Strong Tower. My Deliverer. My Strength and my Song. My Counsellor. My Best Friend. No He has not abandoned you. He is closer to you than you could ever imagine. He’s waiting with open arms to hold you, to keep you, to take you through. His love is as sure the sunrise; as deep as the ocean; as constant as the tide. You can count on it.

“The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

My final question and answer today.

Can anything ever separate me from God’s love? And this is His answer for you.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38

And finally.... a great question and answer rolled into one.

If God is for me, who can be against me? Romans 8:31

A few weeks ago, while transferring prayer requests from my current prayer diary into a new one, I came across several interesting diary entries. One of them grabbed me. ‘Lord, please create in me a heart of compassion.’ The date was 2.9.05. That was over 8 years ago. I stopped. I read it again. I reflected.

How has God answered that prayer these past 8 years? I still have a long way to go in developing a heart of compassion; a heart like He’d want me to possess. But I believe God has been answering that prayer little by little - mostly in ways I didn’t envisage. Beware how you pray. God answers.

When I pray for more patience – He doesn’t hand it to me on a silver platter. No. He usually makes me work for it. God might answer by sending frequent situations where patience is required. Not what I had in mind! I’d rather He fill me with bucket-loads of patience in an instant. Don’t you?

Of course, there are times that God answers prayers quickly and in supernatural ways. I have seen it occur in my own life – many times over. He is God. He can do anything. Yes. But then, more often than not – the way God has answered my prayers for character growth has been very different to what I’ve expected.  He has often used varying tough, thorny situations in my life to teach me what compassion is all about.

In 1993 – that’s 20 years ago - I began praying for the Fruit of the Spirit in my life. And yes, He has been blessing me since - creating that fruit through His Holy Spirit – but oh – it has taken its time. He has led me along many bumpy pathways and numerous dirt roads. Hard times, difficult people, sorrow, heartache, tears, pain – these are often the stuff that His answers for character growth came through.

There was this time in my life when I was struggling. I found it hard to get through each day without shedding sad tears in His presence. I went to work one morning in my role as CareLink volunteer – feeling terribly inadequate. Weak and helpless. Vulnerable. How could I help someone else if I felt so inadequate?

That day, a lady in great distress walked in. She’d been to prison. As she shared her story, her pain became my own. A heart of compassion? Yes, it was possible for me empathise with her. I’d been in a hard place myself. Very different to her situation – but then pain is pain. Suffering is suffering. He or she who has suffered can empathise with others who suffer. It’s as simple as that.

And so it came very naturally for me to weep with her, to feel her pain, to put myself in her shoes. My tears flowed along with hers. I believe I ministered to her best that day by weeping with her.

Do you wonder what it would be like to have an easy carefree life with no worries, no troubles, no financial concerns, no physical ailments, no relationship difficulties? The truth is that if we live in this world, trouble will be very much a part of our lives. There is no way of escape. But the bigger and brighter truth is that as children of God, we can ask God to use all of it for good. To use them as building blocks to build our characters. To use them to understand others. To use them to reach out to God Himself.

Would you like to develop a heart of compassion? I do. Let me warn you– God will not knock on your door and replace your heart with a brand new beautiful heart. My guess is that He will use different situations in your life for good, the way He did in mine. He chiselled away the colder parts of my heart and replaced them with warmth and concern. He softened it in the rough, tough places. Through heartache and tears, he made it closer to His own heart.

Would I erase all of the tough times? The truth is that experiencing those seasons has made me the person I am today. Thank you Lord – not just for bringing me through. But also for the knowledge that you will use every season to make me the woman you created me to be.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers (and sisters) when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2, 3

In the old days, I’d post my blog on Sunday afternoon ready for sharing with the world on Monday morning. Some weeks ago however, I discovered a more efficient way of doing it. I started posting it on Saturday instead. That left my Sunday afternoons free to write the following week’s blog. Eureka. I hit a very good nail squarely on the head. Discovering a more efficient way of doing all I had to do brought relief to my bones and joy to my heart.

The new system worked very well. Until last week. Last Sunday, after I returned from church, I had a phone call that was most upsetting. Someone got offended with me. It took several days to sort out. So when my blog writing time came around, I sat at my computer writing my next blog but with my mind wandering afar. My heart wasn’t doing too well either. When I re-read the blog during the week, I wasn’t too happy about posting it. It was OK. But not good enough.

A few days on, I wrote a second blog. This one sounded a little better. But I didn’t get the ending I aimed at. A few days later, something “happy happened”. Oh! I decided I might as well write about that instead. Talk of changing my mind. I changed it 3 times during the past week. Almost as often as I changed clothes….. well, you know what I mean!

Today, as I write this, it’s Saturday afternoon. And I’m writing a 4^th blog. I’m surprised that during the extra busy week it’s been, I’ve found time to attempt writing 4 whole blogs. I must be getting super efficient! Not really. I aimed at writing the perfect blog you see. The problem is – the perfect blog still eludes me. But I do have a have a choice of posting one of four possible blogs for the coming week.

My choices today?

The blog entitled ‘Why?’ – Perhaps I’ll leave it for a rainy day.

The blog entitled ‘Four years on’ – I’ll post it when I discover the best ending.

The blog entitled ‘I’ll take it from here’ – It’ll be good when fleshed out better.

The blog entitled 'The Choice' - this very one.

And my choice today is…? (Drumroll please.....)

This one of course! My blog entitled ‘The Choice’. I choose 'The Choice'! An obvious choice!

Life is full of choices in the making isn't it? You know, I’ve found that I always do have a choice in how I face what life dishes out. When life is unfair, I could decide to fret and fume. I could decide to whine and mope. I could decide to scream. To break a glass or two… or three. I could choose to sit down and have a good cry. I could decide to blame someone. The choice is mine. The choice is always mine.

Do I react or do I respond?

Instead of the above, I could also choose to look to God. To be patient. To be kind. To love. I could ask Him to help me when my abilities are insufficient to meet the day’s demands. I could search the scriptures for wisdom. I could ask God for strength. I could live with courage. I could look beyond another’s fault. I could forgive. I could wear a cloak of understanding. I could put on a belt of joy. I could choose to dance in the rain.

I stand today with life open on a brand new page of living. What will be written on it? Not just what happens to me. But also the way I react or respond to my circumstances.

What is my choice today?

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 4:16-18

Yes, Lord, I will be joyful no matter what happens.

Yes, Father, I will endeavour to live a life of constant communion with You.

Yes, Jesus, I will give thanks through all of life – the good, the bad and the in between.

Amen!

I returned home after a great morning at church. As I approached the cul de sac at the end of our road, I put on my car’s right signal. Next I put on its left signal as I prepared to park Mitsy. I looked to my right. When Mitsy approached the lamp post on our front yard – I slowed down. Was she aligned correctly? She was. I stopped the car. Got down and checked if she was close enough to the edge of the road. She wasn’t.

I got back in and reversed. Then moved to the left and parked again, checking the lamp post once again. If I parked too close to our driveway, my husband would find it hard to get his car out on the road. If I parked too close to my neighbour’s driveway, my neighbour would face the same problem. Finally I got it right. Yes, Mitsy was aligned neatly with the lamp post. That lamp post is an excellent guide as to where I should park.

I realised then that aligning my car with the lamp post is a bit like aligning myself with God and His ways. Not always easy to do. But life flows so beautifully when I do. Take that very day. I’d been pondering over a tough situation in my life for awhile. I’d prayed about it. I’d taken action. It all helped. But not enough. The problem was stealing some of my joy.

So I decided I’d had enough. I told myself that I needed to move on. Finding a solution hadn’t occurred. Perhaps what I needed to do then was simply to accept that this was the way things were? To ask God to fill in the gaps that needed filling? But you know what? I was wrong. The answer was not in acceptance. It was instead in finding a solution by aligning myself with God and His ways.

How did I do that? It happened by accident. A happy accident. I got up ½ an hour earlier that Sunday. It gave me more time with Him and it made all the difference. During my Quiet time, the Word and God spoke clearly into my situation. It brought me to a point of examining myself. Of asking God to take over. Of opening my ears and heart so I’d hear Him. I asked God to speak to me at church. I went along hoping He would. And yes, didn’t He just do that! Didn’t He!

The sermon that day was exactly what I needed to hear. Every word. I lapped it all up eagerly. Soon, I was revived - a wilted little bird that had dived into a bird bath – friskily enjoying refreshing cool water. Happy as Larry. I heard God that day as I hadn’t heard Him for weeks. Through His Word and through a wonderful sermon, I heard His solution for my specific problem. I believe I heard Him because before I left for church I’d aligned myself to hearing from Him. It was as simple as that!

The preacher spoke of taking a risk. I needed to take one. He mentioned 5 P’s. Patience. Prayer. Planning. Preparation. Persistence. I added three more from the very same passage in Nehemiah. Penitence. Praise. Presence. The Presence of God! I was Pleased. (Yes one more P!) I was elated! God had spoken. He had strengthened me. After the service, as I chatted to a friend – through her encouraging words I heard God’s final wrap-up of His solution to my problem. Wow! I was amazed!

How then do I can align myself to God and His ways? Here’s what I think:

1. Understand that He alone is the Source of all things. He provides all solutions – through His Word, through His wisdom, through people, through circumstances.

2. Remember God’s work in my past. It’s easy to forget. But – God’s work in the past encourages me greatly in my present. I know He will work again.

3. Realise the amazing Power that’s available to all believers. It’s the very same power that made Jesus rise from the dead. How awesome is that!

4. Be ready to take risks; be willing to make sacrifices. Risks are a risky business aren't they? But often called for. Sacrifices are not easy to make, are they? But often needed when I want to live God’s way.

5. Spend quality time with God. It’s not just time with Him – but time really spent hearing from Him. Know what I mean?

6. Open my mind so I can hear from Him. Is my mind cluttered? Is it ready to hear His truth? Is it open to Him?

7. Make my heart soft and ready to listen. Is my heart free from self and pride?

8. Read the Word. Study it. Listen to what He says.

9. Listen to Others. They have much to teach me. I need the wisdom of others too.

10. Be willing to obey God. Obedience is the key! Always.

I’ve discovered that aligning myself to Him and His ways through His Presence is the means of appropriating His Peace and His Power whenever I need it.

But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

Jeremiah 17:7, 8

Last Sunday, September 1^st was Father’s Day in Australia. I returned home at 12.45 PM after a special time of worship with my church family. I had just a few minutes to check emails before I served our Father’s day lunch. Only one email come tumbling in into my inbox though, in solitary splendour – and no, it wasn’t the email I expected either. It was instead a commercial email. From ‘Lumosity’. Lumosity offered me a free gift. A free gift? I pricked up my ears. Against my better judgement, I checked the email.

It was a waste of time really. A free gift? Hardly. Lumosity is a brain training program and one I’m using presently to keep my brain cells ticking along nicely. I’m trying out its ‘trial’ package. It’s good. I enjoy it. But I shook my head that day when I saw the deal on offer. There was a 30% discount offered for the whole family. A discount doesn’t mean it’s free does it? Just that you pay less. And so - you DON’T get it for FREE. Why call it a free gift? It wasn’t free!

This modern world offers us many supposedly free commodities. The word FREE is used very successfully by the commercial market – simply because most of us are foolishly think we get something for nothing and assume we will benefit by it. But of course free deals often have something attached, don’t they? “Buy one and get one free” is a popular gimmick. Free? Hardly. You first need to spend your money.

When we were new in Australia, a reputed brand of vacuum cleaner offered a free carpet clean. I fell for it, hook line and sinker. My wise husband didn’t, but went along with my enthusiasm, warning me I’d regret it. He was right of course. A few days later the salesman arrived, vacuum cleaner in hand. He set to work and cleaned a small section of our bedroom carpet. I’d assumed we could get on with our work while he got on with his.

Not so. He asked us to watch him. He gave us a long, tedious lecture on the use of this amazing vacuum cleaner. He extolled its benefits. He enthusiastically presented all the different additions that could be used to do any kind of house cleaning. He thought he was impressing this home maker - me. He wasn’t. All I could read in that demonstration was the word ‘WORK’. Unfortunately for him, cleaning and I don’t get on. ‘Cleaning’ for me is a dirty word!

So all his swooning and his exuberant deliveries only added to my distaste. ‘More work? No thank you’ was what I thought to myself while smiling politely through the ordeal. After enduring 1 ½ hours of it, he asked me to write 10 names of friends who would get a free carpet clean cum demonstration from him. Now – 13 years on, I am older and wiser. But at the time, I thought I had no choice.

I felt I was betraying my friends but didn’t know how to get out of it. A free carpet clean? A very expensive and distasteful one, actually. It cost us a lot of time and embarrassment. Is there something called a free lunch? I doubt it. Someone has to pay – if not in cash – then in a different way.

But wait a minute. I know where there IS something free. Absolutely – totally – wholly – fantastically FREE. I can vouch for it. You see – there was this time – when someone shared with me about a free gift that was available to anyone who wanted it. All we had to do was ask. I pricked up my ears then. I listened. I heard the Good News.

Man and woman were created to be in a relationship with God – living a perfect life together in God’s perfect world. Unfortunately Adam and Eve rebelled. Their relationship with God was broken. Sin entered the world. It wasn’t pretty. Everything was tainted. And yes, it was a big problem. The solution? The solution came through the Son of God. Jesus. Jesus came into the world to put things right. He took the burden of my sins on Himself. He paid the price for my sin. It cost Him His life. It cost Him His all.

“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23

And the free gift? Life in all its fullness. A life set free to live as I was meant to live. At peace with my Creator. With new purpose. With joy. All I had to do was to reach out and accept the free gift of life Jesus offered me. I did. That was 39 years ago. And did it work? You bet. Yes. I began to live with eternity’s perspective. With a new heart and a new beginning. With forgiveness. With hope burning bright - a candle lighting a dark place.

What kind of gift was that? It was a gift that offered me everything. A gift that cost God everything. This one wasn’t a scam. It gave me all I ever needed.  

“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ.” Ephesians 1:3

This free gift is available for all who come to Him. All you have to do is to ask.

Often, as I gaze around the world around me, blog ideas effortlessly pop into my little head. God graciously sends an idea (or two… or three) into my thoughts and says to me ‘There! Wouldn’t that be good to write about, Anusha?”

Mostly the words flow and it’s easy to turn an idea into a ‘story’. The sentences form without much effort (like an excited squirrel dashing up a tall tree or an exhuberant dog chasing a cheeky cat)! I  love the feel of the computer keys under my fingers as I type them out. Easy peasy! But there are other occasions when that changes. During those times, turning an idea into a worthwhile blog is not easy. I know what I want to say but it takes concentrated hard work to do so. I labour over it; like an amateur pianist playing Beethoven’s Sonata in C minor or like an amateur Tennis player trying to hit a perfect Ace against a professional.

Take last week for instance. Remember my blog entitled ‘I saw you’? I was excited at the idea. I was in a hurry to share it with the world. But when I tried to transfer the idea from my brain to the written word – it didn’t happen at once. It became a mammoth task. I worked on it all week  – editing a little here, chopping a little there, dicing, slicing, mincing, juicing, pruning, refining… yes, it needed the complete treatment – till finally it turned into some semblance of a presentable blog for your eyes to gaze upon.

I was almost satisfied. But not quite. It was still too long. I’d begun with 3 pages. I managed to chop it down to an acceptable 2. But before I knew it, it lengthened again to 2 ½ pages. Sigh. Would I never get it right? It was then that God whispered in my ear. ‘Check the spacing’. I did. Oh! I’d written it double spaced. (Not 1.5 spacing as I usually do). With one click I changed it. Voila. The 2 ½ pages instantly became exactly 2 pages long. Perfect. I’d done it. But not alone. With God’s timely help. Thank you God!

It taught me afresh that there is only so much I can do. Without God’s help I actually can’t do anything. I know that. Every so often God gives me a gentle reminder of the truth. A nudge. A failure. A fall. Or all of it. I’m given a fresh challenge when I discover that what’s expected of me is far higher than my capabilities. Then I remember the truth. And grasp how much I need Him.

All the time.

Every day.

Without exception.

The Bible calls Jesus the Alpha and the Omega. The Beginning and the End. He was before anything else existed. He started it all. He is also the End. He is the first Bookend and the last Bookend. The stories of our lives occur between the two Bookends that are God.

Today, I’d like to call Him the Beginning and End, but in another way too. You see, I couldn’t begin to write my weekly blog without the ideas He pops into my brain. I could not finish them either – as I discovered afresh last week. I might sometimes be tempted to think I know it all or may imagine that I can do it all. The truth is that I can only write today because He has blessed me. With life. With hope. With forgiveness. With a story to share. A mind to think with; a heart to ponder His truths; with fingers to type out my thoughts. With His Holy Spirit. With His Presence. With His passion.

It is Jesus who gives me all of it. God gifts me with every idea in my head. He completes each story I write. He is also the Alpha and the Omega of my life. He gives me each breath I take. All that I have comes from Him.

Are you in a difficult place right now? Trying hard but not succeeding? Reaching for the moon but finding it too distant? Desiring change but unsure how to obtain it? Why not go to Him? Why not ask Him? He is the first and the last. His treasure trove of ideas are always filled to the brim. And He loves to give anyone who asks of Him.

“And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:19

7 a.m. - Thursday morning. Wheeee! The Alarm shrills loudly in my ear. I sleepily turn over and press the snooze button. I turn back to the warmth of my lovely warm husband on this cold winter’s morning. I drift back happily into dreamland. 7.05 am. Wheeeeeee! There it sounds again. With a sigh, I roll over and reach for it. I push the button down to silence it. I sit up. Get up sleepily. Pad outside to the dining room. Get my medication from the fridge. Pop it in my mouth with a mouthful of water. It’s another day. It’s time to enjoy my Quiet time. To get busy with my morning chores, before I leave for work.

For many years, I've enjoyed the luxury of long uninterrupted extended Quiet Times on a daily basis. Unfortunately, my time with God now gets cut short on days I go to work and often even on other days. Like winter rains are needed to make the world fresh and green, I need my daily times with God to mature; to grow; to live a life that pleases Him. So I’ve been trying very hard to make my times with Him occur as of before but with less time to spend. It’s been a big challenge. But I’m slowly getting there.

When I have my usual concentrated Bible study, my prayer time gets cut short due to lack of time. I finally came up with a solution for the next little while. I started following a new way of prayer. Lectio Divina is a practice of prayer based on Bible reading. A portion of scripture is read many times (including out loud). A single thought from the passage is chosen to focus on. This is turned to meditation and prayer. I tried it. I loved it. I’ve now begun to study John’s gospel using this special practice of prayer.

One morning as I studied my portion for the day, three little words spoke to my heart softly, clearly, urgently. Jesus said to his disciple Nathanael, ‘I saw you while you were under the fig tree’. ‘I saw you’! Nathanael’s response? ‘Rabbi. You are the Son of God.’. Jesus saw him although Nathanael was far away. It struck me forcefully. Yes, of course, Jesus can see anyone – anywhere, anytime. Jesus is God. Perhaps Jesus followed the progress of each of his disciples way before He chose them. What do you think?

I began to meditate on these three words. “I saw you’! Within a few minutes, I recalled with awe, over fifty occasions when Jesus must have ‘seen me’. The day I uttered my first words; walked my first steps, sang my first song. The day I celebrated my 1st birthday.

The thrilling day I said ‘I do’ to my new husband, the exhilarating moment I gave birth to our son, the exciting start to my 1^st job, the time my husband and I walked breathlessly into our new home, the surreal moment we landed in Australia almost 15 years ago, the awesome day I launched my first book… are just a few of those stirring moments he’d seen me.

“I saw you Anusha” He tells me today. He sees me right now as I type these words.  What encourages me is that He saw me not just when life was rosy and the sun shone bright. He also saw me when the sky grew dark and the rain drops fell. When lightning zig zagged across the sky. He saw me when I was rejected by friends. He saw me when I hurt. He saw me when I cried; when I found it too difficult to dance in the rain. Yes, He saw me even then.

Jesus saw you too. I saw you my child when you were suffered injustice. I saw you dear one when you lost your job. I saw you my son, when you were rejected. I saw you my daughter when you failed your exams. I saw you dear one, when you were diagnosed with cancer. I saw you my child when your marriage failed. I saw you dear one when you didn’t know if you could make it through another day. I saw you then. I see you now.

He saw you. He saw me. And that’s not all. When he saw you, He felt your pain. When He saw me, He felt my pain. He understood. He walked beside me during each season, helping me on. He was my Hope, my Guide, my Strength, my Song. He was my Refuge, my Deliverer, my Strong Tower. I might sometimes be deeply perplexed with life and what it dishes out. But I do know that God sees me each moment. That He cares deeply. That He walks with me through it all. And one day in the future, I will fully understand how He used it all for my good.

Till then, I will take comfort in the knowledge that He sees me, knows me and cares for me.

Knowing too that He who sees me, will walk with me every step of the way.

I do love sending and receiving emails. But those who write to me might wonder why I reply some emails speedily while others may not get a response for many moons. What makes the difference? Well, I usually respond quickly to short emails and leave the longer ones for later. It also depends on their urgency. If a family member or friend is in need of help or prayer – I make it a high priority. And by the way, group emails don’t receive as quick responses as one on one communications. I am a one-on-one kind of gal!

So there. That was some inside information for those who don’t know me. For those who do – perhaps you’ve figured it all out already? A couple of weeks ago, I received what could be the shortest email I’ve ever had in my in box. It was also probably one of the nicest. This is what it said:

Dear God,

I love this gnu. Please look after it.

Amen
 

Does that confuse you? Who is the ‘gnu’? Ah! Good question. Let me explain. Firstly…. I’m glad my parents chose the name ‘Anusha’ to bless me with. I was blessed further when my friend Michelle shared its meaning with me. ‘Beautiful Morning Star’. I may not be a beautiful morning star but I could aspire to be one, couldn’t I?

Over the years, I’ve been called lots of names. Anu was what my parents, siblings and friends called me in my growing up years. But after I left school and made my own way in the world, I was called by my full name Anusha more often than not. That was good too - I did like the softness of the ‘sh’ sound. A few more nicknames have been bestowed upon me. Akka (Big sis), Nush and Nushi are some of them. I like them all. Perhaps ‘Nushi’ is my number one favourite. (Thank you Kumu, Liz and Rae)

Occasionally, I sign letters also as ‘Ah Gnu’ – a derivative of ‘Anu’. I’d once signed an email to my friend Leanne, as ‘The Gnu’. She liked it. I liked it. And so, 'The Gnu' came to stay.

I quite enjoy being a ‘Gnu’ in spite of Leanne’s word of warning. She reminded me that if my friends google ‘Gnu’, the pictures they see of me, would be far from flattering. I don’t mind. I don’t mind at all. After all, although the Gnu may not be the handsomest of creatures, he was created by God wasn’t he? I saw a certain picture of the said ‘Gnu’ on the web which gave me a good belly laugh! I’m still laughing over it.

Leanne blessed me by her lovely little prayer-email. “Dear God, I love this gnu. Please look after it. Amen’. She didn’t say much. But oh she sprouted volumes. She didn’t even address me. But in addressing God – she blessed me more than if she did. Yes, it was probably the shortest and one of the loveliest emails I’ve received. Thank you Leanne. It made my heart sing. You are a dear friend! And I love you too.

Leanne’s beautiful prayer taught me something about prayer. It’s not the length of a prayer that matters. A prayer can be very short. It doesn’t need to sprout pages of eloquence. A prayer is a prayer. It can only bless. It’s always the best time to pray. It brings joy to the person being prayed for. And of course, the sincerity of a prayer speaks loudly (both to God and to the person being prayed for) as this one did.

Prayer also blesses God – did you know that? I believe it blesses Him because prayer brings the pray-er into a closer walk with God. And that’s what our journey with Him is all about, after all. Walking close to Him, listening to His heart and aligning ourselves with His ways. Prayer also binds two people together doesn’t it – the pray-er and the receiver, bringing both of them together before God. And although we often say there’s nothing left to do but to pray, that’s where we are wrong. The first line of attack (and defence) I believe should always be prayer. I am sure you will agree.

Do you sometimes feel helpless? Unable to help a loved one? Or powerless to change a tough circumstance? Do you feel there’s little you can do about life and all the challenges it brings? Why not pray? And pray again? God in His wisdom has given us an awesome gift. How often do we use it? I’d love to grow in the area of prayer. Come join with me. Let’s go before our Father’s throne of Grace.

Dear God,

I know that  you love the person reading this blog right now.

Please look after her. Please look after him.

Amen.