All that I Hoped for
My Computer is old. (Yes, just like me.) It’s all of 9 years and still going. Not bad at all. All except for its monitor. Some weeks ago, each time I turned on my computer, its monitor would start to flicker, like neon lights gone crazy. After awhile it would stop. But then…. just as I breathed a sigh of relief, hoping all was well, it would begin flickering again, intent on making my head dance. My Beloved On site Engineer was concerned.
The problem was that monitors these days are made differently. To find another screen like mine was no easy task. My precious man got to work. He looked it up online. We discussed the problem. He shook his wise head. I finally came to accept that I might have to give up my unique screen to something more modern, but not to my liking. Shan drove off to the shops. And what do you think? Lo and behold, he turned up with a screen just like my own. I was delighted. He’d done it. The impossible. There were a few snags but he sorted them out. Two more trips to the shops and a bit of work and it was ready. So here it is now – my beautiful new screen – just like my old one – but with a posh stand and a lovely blue light that makes it look even nicer. Hooray!
It reminded me of the time we hunted for the smaller second car I needed. We scoured the ads. We checked out a few possibilities. But the task turned out to be far more arduous than we’d imagined. In fact, I despaired of ever finding a car that suited me at the price we could afford. But then ….one bright, beautiful afternoon, while he was still at work, my husband calmly informed me that he’d bought me a car. Just like that.
What? Really? What’s it like? I couldn’t wait to see it.
When he drove it home that evening I was goggle eyed. What a thrilling surprise. Not only was it a perfect size. It was also the perfect colour. A little blue Mazda – just my kind of car. It’s now over 4 years since little Mitsy joined our family. I thank God often that my husband cared enough to get me a car I enjoy driving. A car that is all I hoped for. Today I give an especially loud cheer for Shan - a warm, considerate, giving man who goes out of His way to look after our family and does it excellently. What a blessing he is!
But now… I turn my gaze from a horizontal one into an upward one. How can I ever forget the God who provided me with that very special husband? How can I not recognise with awe that I have a Heavenly Father who cares for me? During 40 years of walking with Him, He has given me all that I hoped for. And more. Not necessarily all that I ever wanted. But He has over these four decades fulfilled my heart’s deepest desires.
There were times when his answers came differently to what I thought I needed. For instance, when I left school, I hoped to enter university to study Science. Instead He led me to something very different. An exciting career in Computing. And oh how I enjoyed it. Later in life, I looked to get a job in Administration. Instead he gifted me with something far better. The awesome calling of being a Writer. Need I say more?
Oft-times God doesn’t lavish me with the gifts I hope for. Not because He doesn’t care. Or because He isn’t on my case. On the contrary He does care. Very much. And He is always on my case. That’s the reason He doesn’t give me all I want. He gives instead all that I hope for. Do you see the difference? He knows me better than I know myself.
He may not give me all I ask for.
Who’d give a child chocolates for breakfast every day?
He may not give me all I think I need.
Who’d give a child a 1000 dollars when they are just 5 years old?
He doesn’t always answer my prayers in the way that I’d expect.
Who’d trust a child’s wisdom when they’re bent on making a dreadful mistake?
God’s given me what I really desire.
There are times I don’t understand. That’s when He teaches me to trust Him, because of course there are many things I will not understand this side of eternity. He is God, not I. There are times when I rebel. When it seems that He’s not giving me what I need. But you know, my Father who created me, knows what I really desire. Because He created my heart. And completed it with a touch of Himself. So He fills my cup every day. Not necessarily with all I want. But with all I need. All I hope for. And often much more.
Like a fountain with bubbling clear fresh water that dances and overflows.
“The Lord is near to all who call on him, who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; he hears their cry and saves them.” Psalm 145:19
“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.”