The two months of enforced bed rest after my operation meant that my computer was out of bounds. Thankfully, my gallant man came to the rescue. He lent me his old laptop. What a relief! I was able to sit up in bed with my foot elevated, writing emails, checking Facebook, doing some brain training and also dabbling in a wee bit of writing. I was deeply thankful that despite being in bed I still had contact with the outside world.
Unfortunately, using Gmail in place of my usual Outlook Express was not something I found any joy in – especially with a screen that was too small and a lap top mouse that was very unfriendly. Typing while lying down was difficult; placing the laptop on my lap made me feel hot and uncomfortable.
Happily, 9 long weeks later I was promoted - allowed to be up and about again. Hurray! So there I was, back at my desk, gazing at the lovely large screen of my lovely large computer. In fact, the screen now looked much larger than I remembered. I felt like Gulliver who’d been in Lilliput-land finally back home, savouring the incredible largeness of his world once again. I was thrilled to see things clearly without needing to squint at them. I loved the (now) huge pictures on my screen. I enjoyed being back at my own desk.
Small to Large. What a difference!
As my foot continued to improve, I was able to do more. Finally one glad day, I could actually put on a pair of sneakers. Wearing sneakers meant that I could WALK properly. I could also DRIVE. I could go out freely. Brilliant! Of course, I was still a long way from enjoying my evening walk around our community Oval but I was slowly getting there. I began daily walks in our garden – walking up and down a narrow paved area in our backyard. I could see the blue sky. I could enjoy the trees in my surrounds. I could breathe fresh air. Life was good.
But it became even better (much, much better!) when a few weeks later, I could actually walk around our Oval again. How sweet the air smelt. How fresh the breezes. How beautiful the scene before me. Hills stretching serenely to the left of me. Trees draped in red and yellow with carpets of gold at my feet. Like the city mouse who visited the country mouse, I was awed and amazed to view a world I’d almost forgotten. Beholding expanses of green grass, sun swept plains, rolling hills and chattering birds at play made my heart sing. Yes, it was far larger and far better than what I’d previously enjoyed when walking in my garden.
Small to Large. What a difference!
Several years ago, I discovered the freedom that Jesus gives when I allow Him claim to every part of my life. Previously I’d held parts of my self back, like a grudging little girl who shared only a small part her lollies with her playmates. I would give Him the verandah of my heart’s home. The kitchen. The bathroom. The living room. The garden. Most of it. Ah! But I kept the master bedroom of my heart to myself. Know what I mean? He was almost allowed full reign in my life… but not quite. Not wholly.
I justified myself. I reasoned it was natural. I was only holding onto part of it in order to help God along. After all, who better to run my life than Anusha who knew Anusha intimately? Then came a day when He knocked on the door of that master bedroom. As I let Him in, I was shocked to notice the sorry state it was in. There were unswept floors, an unmade bed, a mess on my desk… unwashed curtains. It wasn’t a pretty sight. In an instant, God stripped me bare. I was horrified.
The master bedroom of my heart sorely needed the Master’s touch.
I turned to Him. I asked His forgiveness. I gave it all to Him. I finally let go. At last! Of course the realisation hit me squarely that only my Creator knew how to furnish my heart, care for it and make it the beautiful place it could be.
I also discovered afresh the joyful freedom that’s mine when God has all of me. Not little bits. Not one large part. But all of me. Not that it comes easy even now. Not that I don’t try to grab it back in a weak moment. But I found that cultivating a constant daily attitude of total surrender to Jesus is the best thing I could do for myself. The Difference it made in my life was phenomenal. Now I would never have it any other way.
Part to Whole. What an enormous difference!
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:1, 2