Diary of a Grateful Heart (Part 1)
01/05/2012 22:45
Thursday, April 12th 2012 (12 noon)
I sit here staring at the computer screen, my mind darting in many different directions. I desperately need God’s guidance. I’ve packed my bags to leave for Sri Lanka; and am scheduled to leave in a couple of days. The purpose of my visit? To spend time with my dearly loved Mum who’s been very ill. At 87, I don’t know how much time she has left on this earth. I so desire to spend at least a few more precious days with her before she goes home to God.
My dilemma? My dearly loved son also has been very sick. Asela needs me. My husband needs me too as we care together for our son. In my earthly wisdom I don’t have a clue as to what I should do. Should I should go now to spend time with Mum? Or go later when my son’s illness is stabilised? But then.....would that be too late to spend time with Mum?
A few hours ago, I sought to connect with a few close Christian family and friends to ask for their prayers. But not one of the 6 people I wrote to responded. Perhaps they were busy.
In my desperate state, I badly need a soft shoulder to lean on, but have none. A hundred panicky thoughts race through my mind in the blink of an eye. It feels like being pelted by ice cold hailstones, while Ialready shivering in winter rains. What do I do? I have no idea. No idea whatsoever!. But wait….! I do know Someone who does have the answer. And so I come to Him with an open mind and a willing heart.
“Lord, show me the way I should take. I lift up my soul to you.”
I plead with Him. “I don’t know what to do, Lord. But you do.”
I pick up the Word and start reading.
“I will lead the blind by ways they have not known. Along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn darkness into light before them and make rough places smooth. Isaiah 42:16.
At last I have understood. I smile with God in understanding. He speaks through His word: “Look to me alone, Anusha. I am your wisdom and strength. Trust me wholeheartedly. Don’t look to others. Look only to me. I will guide you in your darkness.”
My weakness? To run to family and friends rather than to the Source of all wisdom. To seek human help first and God’s help second. Does that work? It might or it might not. Is it what’s required? Of course not! God alone knows what I need to do. No one else has the wisdom and foresight He has. And so my first source of action should be to be to run to Him for help. He will supply my need. He will comfort me. He will direct me. Others are important, yes and a source of much blessing. But my first course of action must be to seek Him.
And so…I smile with God. I lay my heavy burden down. I reach out to hold God’s Hand. I look up, and catch His light in my darkness.
I will trust Him. I will follow His lead. I will lean on Him alone.
He is always faithful.