I saw you
7 a.m. - Thursday morning. Wheeee! The Alarm shrills loudly in my ear. I sleepily turn over and press the snooze button. I turn back to the warmth of my lovely warm husband on this cold winter’s morning. I drift back happily into dreamland. 7.05 am. Wheeeeeee! There it sounds again. With a sigh, I roll over and reach for it. I push the button down to silence it. I sit up. Get up sleepily. Pad outside to the dining room. Get my medication from the fridge. Pop it in my mouth with a mouthful of water. It’s another day. It’s time to enjoy my Quiet time. To get busy with my morning chores, before I leave for work.
For many years, I've enjoyed the luxury of long uninterrupted extended Quiet Times on a daily basis. Unfortunately, my time with God now gets cut short on days I go to work and often even on other days. Like winter rains are needed to make the world fresh and green, I need my daily times with God to mature; to grow; to live a life that pleases Him. So I’ve been trying very hard to make my times with Him occur as of before but with less time to spend. It’s been a big challenge. But I’m slowly getting there.
When I have my usual concentrated Bible study, my prayer time gets cut short due to lack of time. I finally came up with a solution for the next little while. I started following a new way of prayer. Lectio Divina is a practice of prayer based on Bible reading. A portion of scripture is read many times (including out loud). A single thought from the passage is chosen to focus on. This is turned to meditation and prayer. I tried it. I loved it. I’ve now begun to study John’s gospel using this special practice of prayer.
One morning as I studied my portion for the day, three little words spoke to my heart softly, clearly, urgently. Jesus said to his disciple Nathanael, ‘I saw you while you were under the fig tree’. ‘I saw you’! Nathanael’s response? ‘Rabbi. You are the Son of God.’. Jesus saw him although Nathanael was far away. It struck me forcefully. Yes, of course, Jesus can see anyone – anywhere, anytime. Jesus is God. Perhaps Jesus followed the progress of each of his disciples way before He chose them. What do you think?
I began to meditate on these three words. “I saw you’! Within a few minutes, I recalled with awe, over fifty occasions when Jesus must have ‘seen me’. The day I uttered my first words; walked my first steps, sang my first song. The day I celebrated my 1st birthday.
The thrilling day I said ‘I do’ to my new husband, the exhilarating moment I gave birth to our son, the exciting start to my 1st job, the time my husband and I walked breathlessly into our new home, the surreal moment we landed in Australia almost 15 years ago, the awesome day I launched my first book… are just a few of those stirring moments he’d seen me.
“I saw you Anusha” He tells me today. He sees me right now as I type these words. What encourages me is that He saw me not just when life was rosy and the sun shone bright. He also saw me when the sky grew dark and the rain drops fell. When lightning zig zagged across the sky. He saw me when I was rejected by friends. He saw me when I hurt. He saw me when I cried; when I found it too difficult to dance in the rain. Yes, He saw me even then.
Jesus saw you too. I saw you my child when you were suffered injustice. I saw you dear one when you lost your job. I saw you my son, when you were rejected. I saw you my daughter when you failed your exams. I saw you dear one, when you were diagnosed with cancer. I saw you my child when your marriage failed. I saw you dear one when you didn’t know if you could make it through another day. I saw you then. I see you now.
He saw you. He saw me. And that’s not all. When he saw you, He felt your pain. When He saw me, He felt my pain. He understood. He walked beside me during each season, helping me on. He was my Hope, my Guide, my Strength, my Song. He was my Refuge, my Deliverer, my Strong Tower. I might sometimes be deeply perplexed with life and what it dishes out. But I do know that God sees me each moment. That He cares deeply. That He walks with me through it all. And one day in the future, I will fully understand how He used it all for my good.
Till then, I will take comfort in the knowledge that He sees me, knows me and cares for me.
Knowing too that He who sees me, will walk with me every step of the way.