It’s not often one loses two close friends in less than two weeks. Just ten days after my friend Christine had crossed the valley of the shadow of death, I received more sad news. Unlike Christine’s passing – Leanne’s death was totally unexpected. Leanne was only 43 – far too young to die. On Wednesday, March 5^th, Leanne had gone to sleep and not woken up. And so, like my friend Christine, Leanne too has crossed the valley of the shadow of death and is on the other side. Where there is no more sickness or sadness or pain. Where the love of God can be experienced without earth’s shadows clouding it. Today I grieve for my friend Leanne. I thank God for her beautiful friendship. I thank God for her life. And I thank God that she is now at peace.

When we were new in Australia, our then pastor and his wife, Jeff and Wendy had a meal with us. As they were leaving that night, Jeff asked me ‘If there is one thing you could do what would it be?” I responded without hesitation ‘I'd love to Write’. Jeff promptly wrote down a name and address on a piece of paper and gave it to me ‘Leanne’s also a writer. Why not correspond with her?”

The next morning I sent Leanne an email. She replied immediately. I wrote her another email. And another. And another…..! In fact, that year, 1999, I wrote to her every single day; sometimes many times a day. Very quickly, Leanne became my first Australian friend. It may sound strange that although I’ve known Leanne for 15 years, I’ve met her in person only 3 or 4 times. The truth was that it didn’t matter at all. Ours was an email friendship. It was nevertheless a deep and lasting one. When two Christian writers write to one another – there is a wonderful heart to heart connection; a friendship that's sealed for all time.

Today, I apologise to my blog readers for writing two blogs in sequence that speak of death and loss. It certainly wasn’t part of my plan. I was about to post my weekly blog (which I’d written earlier in the week) when I received the shocking news of Leanne’s sudden and untimely death. I knew then that I had to write another tribute - in Leanne’s memory this time. Leanne was a close friend who'd got even closer in the last little while. She told me often that she loved my blog and that she'd never fail to read it every Monday. I hope she’ll be smiling brightly when I post a blog in her honour today. Leanne is today’s star!

Leanne’s legacy to me was love. Like scrumptious icing on a cake, like a colour-splashed rainbow after rain, like the beaming smile on a loved one’s face – Leanne's friendship was one to be savoured. She made sure I knew she loved me. I was deeply warmed by her affection. There was a transparency and acceptance in her friendship that was very endearing. When I went through a tough season, Leanne took it on herself to be my guardian and prayer warrior. She asked questions. Empathised with me. Prayed for me. Showered me with love. Yes, Leanne’s legacy to me was one of beautiful uncomplicated love. 

Very early in our friendship Leanne called me ‘Anu’ and it made me feel closer to her.  A few months ago, when I’d signed off one of my emails as ‘Ah Gnu’, she began to call me ‘Gnu’. She loved it that I added “Gnu” to the list at the bottom of my common-to-many-emails. So I continued to do that in order to make her smile. "How are you my Gnu?" she'd ask, warming my heart with her concern.

Leanne gave of herself. Last year, when I was badly in need of encouragement I was comforted and touched by an unexpected gift in the mail. It was one of Leanne’s favourite books. Yet she had parted with her own precious copy of An Alien at St Wilfreds by Adrian Plaas. I don’t think I’d easily part with a favourite book as she did; would you? How unselfish was that!  That wasn't all. After my operation this year she wrote saying she planned to send me three more of her books – again her own copies since she couldn’t find them in bookstores. I was deeply touched at her kindess and generosity. 

The loving inscription in her precious gift is blurred as I read it now, through my tears.

Yes, Leanne’s gift to me was a legacy of love. She shared herself with me. I will never forget her. The Bible says ‘A friend loves at all times” Proverbs 17:17. Leanne loved me at all times. She was my friend. Leanne loved her family and loved spending times with her Mum. On the night she died - she was to begin attending French classes with her Mum and was so looking forward to it. A few weeks ago, Leanne wrote to me about a friend who had difficulties at work and asked me to intercede for him. Her concern for and appreciation of her friends was deeply moving. 

Thank you Leanne for having been a unique and special presence in my life. I will miss you very much. Till I rejoice with you again in God’s presence – I will celebrate our friendship by living well. By endeavouring to love others the way Jesus asked me to. 

By loving others the way you too loved me, dearest Lea. 

Rest in peace.

July 1991. A beautiful evening in Sri Lanka.  My little 1 year old and I were playing in the garden when my sister Sal stopped to chat with me. We watched my toddler delighting in the outdoors; busy as a bee, as happy as Larry. “I wish I could be part of a ministry Sal” I told her. “I really miss that.” It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy my toddler’s company. I did. (Well, most of the time.) It’s not that I didn’t love him. I did. Of course I did; with every part of me. I loved being a wife and Mum and home maker. I was fulfilled. But …..I did miss being part of something bigger.

Sal nodded sympathetically. She understood. “Why don’t you start something, Anu?” she asked me. Her words echoed in my head afterwards. I thought about it. And thought some more. Oh! Come to think of it….perhaps Sal did have something there? Why don’t I start something? But then, it would need to include my precious toddler. Hmmm!

My friend Lalani and I began dreaming dreams. We met together often to pray about it. We asked God to lead us. Six months later we were ready. And “Mum and Me” was born. All of us mums and our cute little ‘Me’s met together fortnightly. To chat, to play, to discuss deep questions like ‘How do I potty train my child”? Well actually, that was only one of them. The discussions were very interesting and on a variety of topics. The kids would interrupt us constantly. But that was OK. It was all part of the fun.

Christine joined us at ‘Mum and Me’ with her adorable little 2 year old daughter Suzanne. They soon became a vital part of our fortnightly gatherings. Christine had a great sense of humour and was an interesting conversationalist. She was also a devoted Mum – and her little daughter thrived and blossomed under her care.

Fast forward 21 years....... 

When holidaying in Sri Lanka a few months ago, I attended another lively Mum and Me reunion. As usual Christine graciously offered to be our hostess. What made it really remarkable was that during the previous 6 months, Christine had been facing a very tough battle with Lung cancer. Although she was extremely weak with the effects of the chemotherapy, Christine was determined to extend her warm hospitality to us in her beautiful home. On the 25^th of December, she celebrated her birthday. On the 26^th December she and her husband hosted a party to celebrate their silver wedding. On the 28^th of December, she had us Mums over to celebrate with her.

It was a very happy time together. This time though there was sobering note – Christine had suffered deeply. We presented her with a special plaque. I hope it helped her know she was greatly appreciated. There was also a triumphant melody in our hearts that day. Christine had completed her rounds of chemotherapy and was looking forward to getting well. We all hoped and prayed she would. Sadly that did not happen. Today, only 2 months later she has stepped over the threshold from death to life. She is in a better place, where there is no suffering, no pain. Christine has been ‘promoted to glory’.

Today I celebrate my friend Christine and her life. This is my tribute to her – one who gallantly met death head on…. who showed me the way to live amidst tough times. Who taught me what’s important in life. Thank you Christine for your presence in my life and for your loving friendship. We had many phone conversations when she was sick. We prayed together often on the phone. What really amazed and inspired me was her constant optimism and positive attitude. She kept looking forward; kept hoping, never gave up. She got on with it. Did what had to be done. Laughed a lot.

Yes, her sense of humour did not dessert her. Her courage was a light shining in the darkness. A side effect of the chemotherapy was that she found it hard to sleep. She’d spent those midnight hours creating intricate, beautiful table mats. I was amazed when I saw them. What awesome skill! What inspiring creativity while in the midst of deep suffering!

Christine taught me that life needs to be grasped with all I’ve got. That no matter what occurs I shouldn’t sit around feeling sorry for myself. I cried when I heard the news of her death a week ago. It didn’t seem right that she who had suffered so patiently didn’t get to stay around for our next Mum and Me reunion; for her daughter’s marriage; for growing old with her husband. I wished so much that Christine would overcome her battle with cancer; that she would be able to play with her grandchildren.

What comforts me now is that she did overcome it – even if not in the way I’d hoped. Christine has overcome life and is now enjoying her well deserved rest. Her faith was a strong foundation during her suffering. She clung to Jesus – walked with him – thanked Him constantly. She embodied this verse:

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26. Today, Christine is safe in the loving arms of Jesus.

Thank you Christine for teaching me that life is short and needs to be lived fully – not putting off for tomorrow something that can be done today because tomorrow may never come. Even as I grieve at a life cut short, I also rejoice in the hope we have, together with all those who fall  asleep in Jesus.

“Where O death, is your victory? Where O death, is your sting?” 1 Corinthians 15:55

'When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory."'

1 Corinthians 15:54

Farewell Christine. We thank God for the beautiful memories you've left behind.

Not now, but in the coming years, it may be in the better land,
We’ll read the meaning of our tears, And there some time, we’ll understand.
Then trust in God through all the days, fear not for He doth hold thy hand;
Though dark thy way, still sing and praise,
Some time, some time we’ll understand.

We’ll catch the broken thread again, and finish what we here began;
Heaven will the mysteries explain, and then, ah then, we’ll understand. 
We’ll know why clouds instead of sun, were over many a cherished plan;
Why song has ceased when scarce begun; 

’Tis there, some time, we’ll understand.

God knows the way, He holds the key, He guides us with unerring hand;
Some time with tearless eyes we’ll see; Yes, there, up there, we’ll understand.

Maxwell N Cornelius (1891)

As I lay there on the bed after the nurse had removed my bandage, I looked at my funny toes. There they were, sticking upwards as usual. The nurse smiled. She said ‘Relax your toes’. I looked at her. “I am relaxing them’. It was her turn to look at me. Surprised. I knew she didn’t believe me. My husband and I exchanged a knowing glance. We’d heard that before. She asked me to take a deep breath. I did. She asked me to exhale. I did.

Still no change in the toes. They were relaxed. Shan and I knew that my toes looked different to other relaxed toes. They were unique. (Yes, like their owner.) But they did stick upwards as if I was straining them. Only I wasn’t! A bit later, the surgeon came in. He looked at my toes. ‘Relax your toes’ he said. I sighed. Would people stop asking me to relax my toes? Before I could respond, the friendly nurse piped up. ‘They are relaxed. I even got her to breathe in and out’.

‘Oh!’ said the surgeon. He pressed the middle of my foot. His quick action relaxed the toes beautifully and they flopped down. He looked happy. He pointed out that when I stood up the toes would 'behave' - and look as they’d done when he’d pressed the middle of my foot. Relief flooded his face - rippling waves reaching the far end of the shore and petering out. Shan and I exchanged another quick knowing glance at one another.

We were both remembering a day many years ago when we’d been newly married. Another doctor had echoed the same words ‘Relax your feet’. I’d said quickly ‘They are relaxed’. She hadn’t believed me. But the problem is that my toes are pretty odd. And relaxed – even when they didn’t look it!

We all make assumptions don’t we? Many of our assumptions are based on our own experiences or our own ideas of how the world works. Many of our judgments on the behaviour of others too are based on what we think is normal. But then...what is normal?

My toes don’t look relaxed to a normal person. Ah! They were never normal to begin with. But then – they were normal enough for me, weren’t they? I can laugh about my funny joints and strange hyper-mobile feet and toes. I can laugh at myself since I know I am far from perfect. I can laugh because I'm fine with that.

There are other things that are not as funny. When we make assumptions we often judge. I remember an instance when I made a remark that was meant to strengthen a relationship.  How shocked I’d been when it was considered very differently to what was intended. It became an enormous issue that went on for ages. Amazing! It made me realise that people all see things from different perspectives. How easy it is to get something wrong. To misunderstand. To judge. To quibble over small stuff. Because of course I often discern the world in one way and you discern it in another.

How important then that I remember ….

1. When anyone behaves strangely or speaks hurtful words – I should remember that my perception on what was said or done may be totally different to what was meant. I’m sure it would help if I try to understand what was intended rather than how it sounded?

2. Don’t make mountains out of molehills. It’s not worth it!

3. Forgive. Laugh. Move on.

The book of James expresses it very well. 

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” 

James 1:19

Good advice don’t you think? Let me remember….

1. Quick to listen

2. Slow to speak

3. Slow to become angry

Here's more wisdom from James.

“Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by his good life, by deeds done in humility that comes from wisdom. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure, then peace loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.” James 3:13,17,18

Father, give us wisdom and grace to live as peacemakers – quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. Amen.

After going through one post operative season last year, Shan and I were well prepared for it this time around. We only had 10 short days to get ready for it. But past experience had taught us well. I knew a freezer crammed with cooked food would help; a pile of brain-tingling books from the library was a must. A tidy house was desirable; a well planned bedside area was something high on the agenda. I have to admit that that last item was very important to me. I spent considerable time setting up my bed-space.

Shan and I switched sides of our bed so that I was closer to the bedroom door. It meant I had no obstacle course to navigate in order to use the bathroom and toilet. I piled high books (and more books) upon my groaning bed-side cupboard. I crammed its drawers with medicines, toiletries and other essentials. I made sure there were non-essentials too to enjoy – like photographs to browse through, games to play, phone/camera/mp3 charging apparatus at hand, nut bars to chew on, a clock and calendar to keep me in the right moment in history.

Last year Shan fixed a power cord that came out from the middle of our bed-head which I could connect to my lap top. A writer can’t be without a computer right? This writer certainly needs a computer at hand. So I had it all well under control. I used a power socket on the right side of my bed to connect the power attachment to my laptop. All went beautifully and according to plan. I was very content; a skylark singing its heart out; a snowflake floating joyfully onto a fresh white winter’s carpet.

But when I began to use my laptop, I bumped into a snag (quite literally). The power cord and computer trapped me inside the bed. The only way I could get down was by removing the power plug. Or by shutting down the laptop. Or both. At first I just took it in my stride (not literally this time). It was just one more difficulty to navigate through this testing season. But after a 2 long weeks of booting up and shutting down the laptop umpteen times a day, I decided there had to be a better way. A more convenient way.

When my dear husband popped in one evening to ask if all was well – I said ‘Yes thanks darling’ with a wifely smile. But then I couldn’t help but share my little dilemma with him. I didn’t expect him to act on it right then. It wasn’t urgent. But my smart, loving husband took instant action. He bent down and picked up the power cord. He wriggled it past the back of the bed – not easy to do, since there was very little space. The next moment I found he’d pushed the power cord out of the middle of our bed-head and eureka – there it was! All ready to attach to my computer. Wow! That was quick work.

I could now fix my lap top from the left side of it rather than the right. That made all the difference. It meant that I didn’t have to keep putting it on and off each time I went to the loo. It meant that life was much easier. Oh yes! I clap my hands in glee as I tell you all about it. I could have smothered my man in hugs and sloppy kisses. I was delighted!

It was a 2 minute job – a caring gesture – a quick fix which made a happy difference to my life in bed. It made me reflect on other 2 minute blessings I could shower on someone who needed it. Know what I mean? Sometimes we don’t envisage how a small caring action can make a difference to someone’s day. But I'm sure you’ll agree with me that it’s those little gestures that often make a big difference to our lives. A card received at the right time, an encouraging email or text message, a kind smile, a loving word, a phone call, a pat on the back, a caring deed, a little gift, a heartfelt prayer, a comforting hug… oh there are so many little but meaningful ways we can bless another.

Recently on Facebook, I came across a saying: Be kind to one person a day and make a difference to 365 lives a year’. Oh how I loved it. Shan’s action reminded me of it. His kind deed didn’t take long. It didn’t cost him much. But how I bless him for it now. It has made my life so much easier and happier. I have been googling the word 'kind' in the Bible and was amazed as to how many references there were to God's kindness. If kindness is one of God's innumerable attributes, it's obviously one that we as His children should emulate.

"He is merciful and tender towards those who don't deserve it; he is slow to get angry and full of kindness and love." Psalm 103:8

It had been a quiet day at CareLink. I liked it being less busy so I could catch up on my work. I also had more time to spend with my volunteers. There was always plenty to do at work, so quiet days with few or no clients were great when they occurred. I invited my two volunteers, Dorothy and Maureen into my room to spend some time praying together. They liked the idea. We decided to read Psalm 33 together first – Psalm 33 being one of my favorite psalms. There was only one Bible between the three of us, so we thought we'd read a few verses each, before passing the Bible onto the person on our right. That way each of us would have a turn at reading.

I read the first few verses and passed it onto Maureen. Maureen read a few more and passed it onto Dorothy. Dorothy read a few verses and passed it back to me. All went well and we read through the entire psalm. I looked again at the ending of the psalm. Hmm…! It looked a bit different to what I remembered.

I turned a few pages back and then my mouth turned upwards in a cheery grin. “I see we’ve ended in Psalm 37” I said, laughing. It was so funny. We’d started at Psalm 33 but ended at Psalm 37! Too many pages had been turned (by accident) – and so we’d finished at a different psalm altogether. The three of us had a hearty laugh. We hadn’t even realised we’d moved into a different psalm since the message seemed to flow.

Turning pages. We do it all the time. Books need their pages turned so we can read them. Life’s pages also need turning, don’t they? Do I remain today on today’s page – or do I wander ahead into a couple of pages ahead? Very easy to do at times.

Am I living fully engaged in the present moment? Or am I turning the pages of my life too fast? Am I worrying about tomorrow’s difficulties and tomorrow’s troubles? Or perhaps doing it the other way around? I may be turning the pages backward? Looking too long at yesterday’s headlines? Pondering too long on yesterday’s failures?

Jesus said that sufficient unto the day was the trouble thereof. There is enough to keep me occupied today. Sometimes though, it is tempting to grab the wrong newspaper. Yesterdays or tomorrows headlines instead of todays?

How can I ensure I am living the present?

Here are a few questions to help me figure it out…

1. Am I troubled about something that occurred in my past?

2. Am I worrying about something that may happen in the future?

3. Is my emotional equilibrium tied up to what’s happening today?

4. Do I have goals and plans in place? Am I striving towards reaching them?

5. If I die tomorrow, would I be glad at the way I spent my last day on earth?

I could let yesterday’s mistakes and failures steal my joy of today. I could allow tomorrow’s troubles fill my life with anxiety. Or….. I could let my book of life stand at today’s page – absorbed joyfully in the moment – creating more precious memories for me and my loved ones and doing my best to make the world a better place.

I could bless another. Work hard. Smile with God. Dance in the sunshine and dance in the rain. 

Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow hasn’t arrived. Let me live today.

With JOY. And in the FREEDOM Jesus came to give me.

"I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

John 10:10

History repeats itself. I lie here again in our little bedroom. It looks pretty much as it did last year. Sunshine streams in through our lovely lace curtains; an inquisitive patch of blue sky peers down at me. My desk lies ahead – a colourful assortment of files, books, boxes, booklets, bags, jewellery, photos – an interesting landscape for me to feast on! The little side table next to my bed is replete with clock, water-bottle, notebooks, glasses, box of tissues, two mp3 players, phone, chewy mints….and other sundry items. My bedside cupboard bulges with books, books and more books; its drawers full. Crammed with medicines, snack bars, games, cards; interesting knickknacks, even bubble wrap to pop when I'm bored!

Exactly a year ago, I had my right foot operated on. I spent 3 months on my back. Here I am once again in recovery mode, after my left foot was done. Last year, I’d spent 6 happy weeks afterwards soaking in God’s presence, reading, dreaming; being still. I loved it. I loved it. I Loved It! Unfortunately, the next 6 weeks turned into a nightmare. My until-then-dormant fibromyalgia symptoms came back in gale force magnitude – an unstable growling bear – hungry, huge, bad tempered. Not what I’d anticipated!

God gave me many promises during my recuperation. I took them seriously. I hugged those verses to myself. Each time I read them, God spoke to me afresh filling me with hope. 

Psalm 103:1-5: Who heals all your diseases…who satisfies your desires so that your youth is renewed like the Eagles.” Isaiah 40:31: But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as Eagles. They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” 

I believed that God had promised to heal me in 2013 - of the effects of fibromyalgia (debilitating pain and debilitatingn exhaustion); also of the difficulty I had in walking due to my ever-so painful feet. I claimed His promises boldly and gladly. Three months after my operation I was walking – slowly, surely, gladly. But the pain persisted – in fact the level of pain in my feet had increased severely due to my having to stop the use of anti inflammatory tablets which had previously curbed the pain. Three months after the operation, my fibromyalgia symptoms too were having a field day –a flock of screeching magpies – flying wild; messing up my life. Thankfully God was in the equation! He continued to whisper words of encouragement in my ear – to assure me of His healing. And so I clung to Him. I prayed. I hoped. I even went to 'Healing Rooms' for prayer. An awesome experience. But….was I healed? No – not yet! Not yet!

At first, that powerful prayer session seemed to have brought more pain. As the days passed I found myself suffering; in deep agony. The pain was often pretty bad; relentless. Many nights I went to God in despair, beseeching Him to heal me. “Please God. Please…” I pleaded – struggling. The pain was unbearable. How could I go on?

And then it occurred!!

In order to add impetus to our prayers, our church was asked to fast for a week. I was led to fast from chocolate! Not something this chocoholic would willingly do. But God prompted me. While I was about it, I thought I’d also fast from all dairy products. I’d heard that often fibro sufferers were sensitive to dairy products. Perhaps I was too?

The change was amazing. My pain levels plummeted at once. No more debilitating pain. No more debilitating exhaustion. I felt well again. It was incredible! To my joy, I discovered that even the pain in my feet had decreased. Wow! It’s now 5 months since I went dairy-free. It’s also 5 months since God answered my prayers for healing. Healing for me didn’t come through a sudden touch from Him. Healing for me came through surrender; through listening to Him; through obedience; through discipline.

I still have fibromyalgia and I still have pain in my feet. The difference is that the pain’s negligible most of the time. No longer unbearable. The debilitating exhaution is very rare. My prayers were answered. I feel pretty good most of the time. And I’ve made a very important discovery. Sometimes God’s healing comes from a miraculous touch from Him. But at other times it comes through a choice I make.

Yes, it’s true that His grace abounds; always.

Yes, it’s true that He often blesses me far more than I deserve.

But I’ve found  that God’s agenda is often different to mine. I am interested in my short term comfort. God’s more interested in my eternal well-being; my character; my holiness. He demands my obedience, my trust, my discipline; an attitude of constant surrender. How else would I become like Him? How else would I grow into His image?

Sometimes God answers my prayers in an instant.

But oft-times His answers cannot come until I walk in obedience to Him.

Praise the Lord, my soul;
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins
    and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

Psalm 103:1-5 (NIV)

5.55 a.m. on the 22^nd of January 2014. I get into my husband’s lovely white Hyundai Sonata. ‘Got everything?” he asks. I nod. He smiles; starts the ignition. And we are off – speeding off into a new day and into a new experience. Off to hospital. Yes, it’s time for another operation. One foot done; one to go. The hour has arrived.

I was a little sad that morning because I felt somewhat distanced from God. Not God’s fault. Mine entirely. The past 4 months had been busy. Hectic. Too hectic. My times with God, usually long and unhurried had often got squeezed out into very short bursts especially in the last little while. Simply because there was always too much to do. I was mostly rushing. Rushing to do what God required of me. Rushing to leave on holiday. Rushing to unpack after holidays. Rushing to get ready for my operation. And my time with God had suffered.

I knew that God would understand. He always does. But….the truth is that my extended times with God are the wind beneath my wings. Whenever those times have lessened – the quality of my life has lessened. That morning before I left for hospital I went to Him shamefacedly. “Forgive me Lord” I whispered. “I know I’ve not spent sufficient time with you of late. I am so sorry. I want to change it. Please help me. And please send me some encouragement today. Thank you Father.”

Dawn was breaking as our car sped out into the morning world. A few parrots chirped their screechy morning song, - flashes of bright green and red, vivid against an azure sky. The wind sang songs even as trees and bushes bowed low, dancing in unison. And then… and then… I saw it. God’s gift to me. A gift of GRACE. I was stunned.

It was one of the most spectacular sunrises I had ever beheld. The sky around me was aglow with red and orange, gold and yellow. Everywhere I looked – North, South, East and West, bright flamboyant colours blazed in glory. “Here’s my gift to you Anusha’ God said to me. I was awed. Amazed. Such a beautiful gift and an amazing send-off for my stay in hospital. ‘Thank you Father’ I whispered back – stunned and delighted. I didn’t deserve His gift – but He gave it nonetheless. His gift of grace.

It was the first of many gifts I received that day. Gifts I didn’t deserve. I’d been too busy for God during the recent past. But the moment I asked for His forgiveness He responded with love. He didn’t waste a moment. He showered me with grace. All day long He brought special encouragement my way.

They were amazing little love gifts, tied up in bows of grace.

The nurse who got me ready for my operation was a sweet young Indian lass – new to Australia; a Christian in need of fellowship. We both acknowledged that our meeting had to be a ‘God thing’. She needed an older mature Christian to help her along. I needed a burst of encouragement. And so, God brought us together. Yes, it was definitely a "God thing". Most of the doctors and nurses I met that day treated me with warmth and friendliness. I tried hard to be ‘brave’ as the Anaesthetist administered 3 painful injections into my foot. I’d refused sedation since chemicals often don’t do well in my (strange) body. He was impressed that I coped so well. His warm words of affirmation encouraged my spirit.

I’d hoped I’d get a room to myself. I didn’t. But you know what? I got something better. Three lovely cheerful room mates whom I could laugh with. We chattered away like old friends. We all got on like a house on fire. More gifts from my Father’s gracious hand. Two happy visits with my husband and cheery text messages from a long lost friend further brightened my spirit. That night my ankle block wore off at 2 a.m. and the pain hit…hard. No – I didn’t get much sleep that night. But – I did have yet another gift. At 6 am, I was in my small darkened cubicle after a night of very little sleep. I put on my mp3 player and lay there listening to praise music– worshipping my awesome God – enjoying precious moments with Him, feeling unutterably grateful. In spite of my pain and weariness, He made it possible for me to worship Him. It was just what I needed to lift me up. A refreshing dip in a gurgling stream on a dry hot summer's day.

I returned home from hospital not in a blaze of a red and orange sunrise as I’d entered it. But I did return in a blaze of glory. In the joy that comes from soaking in a field of grace. Of dancing in it. I’ve danced in rain. I’ve danced in sunshine. But this was the first time I’ve danced in GRACE.

Are you feeling sad today? Does God seem far away? Are you in need of His touch? Do you feel unworthy (as I did)? Or as ashamed (as I did)? It matters not a bit. Our Father specialises in grace - amazing, undeserved goodness which He rains down in love upon all who seek Him.

His forgiveness abounds. 

His mercies never fail. 

His grace remains.

"If we are faithless, He remains faithful for he cannot deny Himself." 2 Timothy 2:13

So .... come. Do approach his throne. And do join me.

Let’s dance in fields of GRACE together.

One Monday some months ago I was up bright and early. I was ready for an O bahn ride to the city. I’d prepared everything the night before. My bag was packed. My reading material was ready. My mp3 player was charged and tucked inside. An extra bag carried other important stuff like a few printed Google maps so I wouldn’t get lost in the city.

I sent out my blog emails several hours earlier than usual. I enjoyed a brief Quiet Time, then stuffed my prayer diary into an already full bag. I ate my breakfast; put on my party clothes! I was about to leave when I realised I’d better get my plastic bus pass ready so I wouldn’t have hunt for it when I was inside the bus. I opened my purse. I looked inside - where it usually reposes. It wasn’t there! Oh dear. Where was it? My bus was due in 5 minutes.  I was cutting it fine. I needed it .. right NOW!

I hunted for it for a few minutes longer. But the clock was ticking too fast. There wasn’t even time to run into my son’s room to ask for his bus pass. I fished out a 5 dollar note and rushed out the front door. As I panted up the embankment that led to the main road, I hoped I hadn’t missed the bus. Breathless, I reached the bus stand. I opened my bag again and grabbed my purse. A feverish hunt once again. But, no; sadly, there was no bus pass. And my bus arrived. I had to give up.

‘How much is a day trip ticket to the city please?” ‘A friendly bus driver replied ‘$9.40” with a smile. $9.40? Whew? That much? It had gone up significantly since I’d last used one. $9.40 sounded way too high. But what’s a girl to do? I had to buy it. Once I had settled into a seat, my memory came back! Yes, I remembered where I had ‘hidden’ my bus pass. Some months before I’d discovered an outside compartment to my purse. I’d decided then that it was the perfect place for my bus pass, because I could access it so easily. But ……the ideal place didn’t contend with a 56 year old brain! Sad to say I had completely forgotten about the transfer.

I’d found that metro card too late. And I was $9.40 poorer for it. As I pulled it out of its pocket, I berated myself for a wasted $9.40. It was then that I felt God tap me on my shoulder. ‘You already have it’ He said. “I already have what Lord?” I asked? And then……. I knew exactly what He meant.

I already had everything I needed. Yes. And there I was searching high and low for what I already possessed. The bus ticket? Yes, the bus ticket. But a few other things too. Lately, I’d been facing a tough season. I seemed to have lost many things I needed.

Like …..Peace. Joy…. Contentment.

I’d looked everywhere for them. But I didn’t find those precious commodities. I asked friends for help. I puzzled over my losses, bewildered as to where they’d disappeared. Silly me! Thankfully, here now was God’s timely reminder. I didn’t have to go looking for all of those things. They were right here. In His Word. Within me. Through His Spirit. By His power. Because of His love. There are times I seem to have lost what I already possess. But as a Christian I do have everything I need, always, no matter what.

I have Jesus. And in Him I have joy, peace, contentment, all the time.

I have Jesus. And through Him I have eternal life.

I have Jesus. And through Him the answers to some of life’s conundrums.

I have Jesus. And through Him a family I belong to.

I have Jesus. And through Him untold riches of the spirit.

There are times when I forget that searching for those lost items rarely brings them my way. Jesus told me the secret. Instead of hunting in the wrong places for my bus pass that day, I should have stopped and thought about it. No doubt I may have found the answer. Instead of hunting all around me when I've lost my peace – I should simply seek God. He holds the key to my well being. My Joy. My Contentment. My Peace.

His Word reminds me of the secret. My joy does not come from outward circumstances. It comes through Him alone. My peace doesn’t depend on what happens to me. The Prince of Peace lives within. What Treasure! Let me remember next time.

“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.” Mathew 6:33

It’s 11.40 p.m. on Saturday night. I am back at my computer after 3 weeks away.

We’ve had a wonderful holiday – etched in our hearts like golden words engraved on marble. Our time in Sri Lanka flew by too quickly - a leaping gazelle sprinting through a lush green forest. Gone in a flash. In a thrill of celebrations; chatting, relaxing, dining, wining, feasting. Long leisurely meals with Mum. Precious moments with loved ones. Catching up with long lost friends; reunions. It was great to be off my usual routine. No meals to cook. No dishes to do. No menus to plan. No house to run. A perfect holiday.

But now….I realise in dismay that I've not had time to write my weekly blog. I reflect. Yes, I have no blog today. But then, what I do have is even better. A kaleidoscope of memories stored in my heart to savour and delight in. A heart refreshed by connecting with loved ones. I have no blog today but my I’m filled with wonder at the blessings of family and friendship and love. Soaked in the joy of precious times together - a dancing mynah bird out in spring rains, delighting in its wetness; doing the happy dance.

I have no blog today but I do have a God who whispers loving words in my ears. I look back, marvelling at all He has done for me. He reminds me that He will go before me into a new year of life. He assures me that His faithfulness will abound in 2014 … just as it has always done. His peace covers me – a soft shawl worn when summer breezes blow.

I have no blog today but I am rich beyond measure. I have people in my life who love me. Memories that will bless me. Work that will energise me. Books to read. A heart to hope with. Lives to connect with. Challenges to meet head on. A life to live.

I have no blog today but that’s OK.

There may be moments when I don’t hold it all together.

There may be times when I fail.

Seasons of  loss.

Holidays that come to an end.

There will be times when I don’t have all that I want. When I will have to say goodbye. When the past is left behind. When I must boldly walk ahead into my tomorrows. When the safety of the old is gone. When new beginnings beckon. Yes, I may not have always have what I want, when I want it. I may not always have done all I should when I should. Like my weekly blog.

I have no special blog to post today. Only a heart filled with thanks to a God who blesses me often and far more than I deserve. A life filled with joy for the good things He has done for me through the past year. A heart filled with hope as I look ahead into the new pages of life – unwritten as yet – the glad anticipation of good things to come.

I have no blog today.

But what I do have is very precious.

Family. Friends. Freedom.

Life. Love. Joy.

Gratitude.

Jesus.

It’s a week since our exciting Sri Lankan holiday began and we’ve enjoyed every minute of it. Best of all have been precious times we’ve spent with family and friends – creating fresh vibrant memories to carry home in our hearts when our time here comes to an end. Christmas in Sri Lanka after 17 years! It’s been awesome. 17 of us sat down to lunch together on the Christmas day. What joy we experienced as we celebrated Christ’s birth together, deepening relationships that have lasted over many decades like a house that stands sure on a firm foundation.

One morning, we caught up with close friends – meeting them after 17 years. It was a happy happy time. Shan and I and Asela left them with a sense of gratitude for old ties renewed. One afternoon we caught up with a friend from my youth and his family in their spacious beautiful eco mansion. He was amazingly generous with his time as well as his bounty - it was like stepping into an oasis when we entered their beautiful home. We left with smile on our faces. One night, friends at a beachside resort gave us an evening to remember – dining under the stars where palm branches waved their large beautiful branches; where music and exuberant dancing ended a perfect evening.

Moments with my beloved Mum have been very precious. I’ve been savouring them – adding colourful beads to a chain called memory– a stunning necklace to adorn my spirit and to make it glow. We are being pampered here – no meals to cook – only feasting to do; and fellowship to thrive on! One day I caught up with my 21 year old ‘Mum and Me’ friends – how enchanting it was - the little 2 year old ‘Me’s of yester-year have grown into handsome young men and women of who make their Mums very very proud.

Today is the 30^th of December 2013 - 2 days left before we usher in a brand New Year. I reflect on the year that has passed. I reflect on what I’ve learnt during 12 months that whizzed by far too quickly. As in most years, 2013 too has seen both tears and smiles; bad health and good; hard times and blessing. Now…as I reflect, I remember. I remember His Love; I remember His Presence; I remember God’s Faithfulness. So what has 2013 taught me? What can I take with me to a brand new Year? I perceive the lessons vividly - a child’s red crayon drawing on the garden wall – unexpected, striking, vibrant.

Waiting is never easy is it? I had to wait 17 long years for Christmas in Sri Lanka. But that wait was more than worthwhile. Christmas 2013 has been a fountain of joy that sprouted blessing upon blessing. And now, as I look back, I find a common thread running through the year.

Waiting upon the Lord. Waiting on His ways. Waiting for His time. Waiting for His promises to be fulfilled. After my operation in January I spent 6 weeks waiting. Lying on my back for so long was taxing. But everything else about it was glorious. So it was an ‘easy’ kind of waiting. I spent beautiful times with God, relaxing, meditating, being still. I loved it. The much harder wait came afterwards – when for the next 6 weeks my body protested - big time. The weeks of inactivity made my fibromyalgia symptoms aggressive – like a squawking bird in captivity or a growling hungry lion pacing its den.

It was then that I remembered the words God gave me for the 2013. ‘Wait upon the Lord’. Some months later, when I experienced another challenging season, I learnt the truth of it once more. Because each time I turned to God perplexed and sad, He reminded me to ‘Wait upon the Lord.’ I re-discovered that waiting is rarely passive or inactive. Waiting on Him was permitting God to handle what I could not do – in His time and in His way. Waiting on the Lord involved trust. Waiting on Him involved praise. Because praise indicated trust. Waiting upon the Lord was also to follow Jesus’ example. Forgiving freely. Loving generously. Being silent when needed. Speaking out when He required it. Becoming all He’s created me to be – walking in integrity no matter what. Seeking His face. Doing what He called me to in an attitude of total surrender.

I stop. I look up. I smile with God. It has been a difficult year but also a good one. There’s been surprise and dismay at life’s mysteries. But also wonder and sheer joy at the love of a faithful God. My outward smile today reflects the peace He in His grace has planted within.

What has your year has been like? Have there been too many moments of bewilderment? Of sadness? Of  hurt? Of pain? Of strife? If so, I’m deeply sorry. Sadly, life is often no picnic. But let me whisper an encouraging word.

But those who wait on the Lord
shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles,
they shall run and not be weary,
they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31 (NKJV)

Yes, I have discovered that there’s blessing when we wait upon the Lord. God has fulfilled the promises He gave me at the beginning of 2013. He turned my mourning into dancing and my tears into praise. He changed a mantle of despair into a robe of gladness. Today I stand amazed at all He has done for me. And I rise up on eagles' wings.

A Joyful New Year to all my Blog Readers. May 2014 be a fabulous year for you, filled with God’s love, His joy and His presence. May you experience His Hand upon your life. And as the dawn breaks, may you too…. rise On Eagles' Wings.